Rekindle the Fire
Sometimes I get myself in little predictiments when I know that it is to no benift to myself in the long run. I know that in fact, it will damage my relationship with God. This is what makes me sad.
Im not going to post about this particular problem. But I will post what I learned from it.
Patience. Trust. Faith. Humbleness. Dedication. Love. Hope.
God showed me patience throughout my issue. God amazes me so often. He is willing to stay and love me and help me though instead of giving up on me.
God does not lose hope in me. That makes me feel really special. Its the same with you. Whatever you are going through, God is right there wanting to be your everything. He is waiting to just ambush you with His love. That is, if you havent accepted Him into your heart. If you have already accepted Him, His love is like a neverceacing flow of pure water.
I was watching this video in Sunday School last Sunday. It was Brennen Manning giving a speech on God's love. I want to watch it again. I forgot alot of it. But I remember the passion he had for what he was talking about. Before we watched the video, Kevin, the guy giving the weekly lesson, asked us about being clueless. Have you ever felt clueless in any situation? Has it helped or hurt you? Can anything good come out of being clueless?
We then watched the video and he asked us to write down on a peice of paper what the big realities of life are and how you live in light of these realities. I didnt write down much because i was trying to pay attention to what Mr. Manning was saying.
The biggest reality is this: God's love for you is so great that he wanted to do something for you that would surpass anything any hero could even compare to doing. He wanted to be with you more then anything else. He lived a perfect life, died on a cross, so that you would have the opportunity to be with Him.
See, Jesus is God. People always say "How can such a loving God be so mercyless and condem so many people go to go hell just because they didnt believe in him". Well. The answer is all in the Bible. You just have to read it.
God is a just and holy God. And because of his nature, he cannot have anything to do with sin. We, as sinners, deserve death. Not just physical death, but spiritual. God didnt want his creation to automatically be doomed to hell without first a chance to be with him. So he incarnated as Jesus (God incarnate...meaning, God in the flesh). Jesus was fully God, and fully human. God had to become a human because being just a God wouldnt allow him to take our sins. If he were just fully human and not God, then he wouldnt be worthy enough to save all of us. So therefore, he was both fully God and fully human. ALSO, he lived a perfect sinless life. He went through so much just so that we could have that chance, yet so many people just blow it off.
God is eternal. He thinks big. He sees the big story...to go way back to the beginning of this....He saw my problem in full, i only saw peices of it. I saw what I could understand. He saw the ending of it. He led me through it safetly and I love him all the more now that I am out of it. During it, I saw my mistake and asked God to help me out and to just let it end in such a way as to not leave scars, or to cause me to be angry with God. He was faithful to me, when I wasnt faithful to him. Man...the awesome love that God shows me is just...mind blowing. He loves me. He helped me. And because I had the desire to please him and get out of what was taking my mind off of him, I am better.
Through this, God has also taught me dedication. With whatever problem that you might have, pursue after God just that much more. Let your anger and frustration drive your passion. When you are at a low, just look up to God and he will help you up. Don't keep trying to write your own life story, let God do that, I'm most positive he would be more successful at it since he knows you better then you know yourself.
He has taught me humbleness. A friend told me something that I think will always stick with me. Man he is such an awesome guy with a huge heart for God. It's awesome. Anyways, he told me that he does not see me as a christian helping the lost find Christ. He told me that he sees me as a beggar showing another beggar where i found bread.
This sorta hit me hard. It, i think, was God speaking through him, because it sorta sums up my passion. In a way. What i see that meaning is that I help other christians grow in Christ. Yes, I think it is important to help the lost, but oh how much more successful we would be if we had more on fire disciples of Christ to help. So many christians are lukewarm. God says in Revelation chapter 3 that he spits those type of people out of his mouth. I want to help rekindle their passion and get all the way on the hot side for Christ rather then the lukewarm or cold! (Ive just had an awesome thought...ooo baby...ill have to post it at the end of this).
I just need to have more faith and trust. Serioulsy, God knows what he is doing when he is doing it and he can make your life so awesome if you just let him. Love and faith. :)
I know that God is faithful and that brings me hope. I know that he will be good to me no matter what and that even though he allows certain things to happen in my life, it is to make me more like the person he wants me to be.
Anywho, my brain power is dying really fast...
Im thinking about starting something, so if you could just pray for me. It would be a ministry of sorts. Something to help christians rekindle their fires...anywho!...im off! swing on and be merry and dont do anything I wouldnt do.
The Krazy Kristy Kritter
Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
God men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
poem by Dylan Thomas
A new beginning
Tonight at the chicago missions trip meeting i was feeling down. Some of my awesome friends noticed this and i was forced against my will to talk to them (no not really) i shared what was going on in my life and my friends gave me awesome words of encouargement.
One of my friends said that she keeps a journal and that it is just a one on one thing with her and God and that it helps her so much in her relationship with God. Its a very personal thing that no one but her and God know. She suggested that I start writing in one. I will take her up on her advice.
She also said that people on blogger can share too much of their heart too easily. I agree. I do that. And when she comes onto this site and she looks through some stuff, she will see exactly that. Therefore, i am now telling you all that those deep posts concerning my spiritual struggles are not going to be posted on here anymore. Not before I have first talked to God about them and prayed about them and maybe they are some things that I feel God is leading me to share with others. Such as my last post. Those type of posts will come still I believe. I dont think that new found inspirations and stuff like that should be kept hidden in a box when someone could benefit from it and be inspired. But when I talk about my fears, or my desires in a furture husband. I wont write it here. I will leave what I have, because I know that my ideas will mature and that I will change.
Thanks girlfriend, you mean so much to me. All three of you who helped me tonight. I love you guys so much and I really really value what you have to say above all else (except GOD OF COURSE, but i do believe that God spoke through you girls tonight, and thank you) Welp, im off to la la land now. Swing on and be merry
ThE kRaZy KrIsTy KrItTeR
Your Lampstand
Tonight, as usual, I checked in on my friend Jeremy's Blog and read his post and then went through his comments to see what ppl have to say. As I was looking through them, I read a comment by a guy named Warren Thiessen. I like to look through other christian's blogs because I often times find them encouraging. I hadnt ever saw Warren's comment so i checked it out. I looked through some stuff and stumbled upon what he had to say about racism. He read Jeremy's post about Racism and had a few things to say for himself. (Im sure you guys love all of these links...i guess i could have just really done 2 of them. OH WELL!). I posted a comment on Warren's post and it just has really got me thinking.
There are alot of "christians" out there. You can go to your big church and see so many on fire christians. You all talk about God and encourage one another and just rejoice and pray and worship and its just really easy to be with God and look like you and him are just OH SO TIGHT. But then you go home and it just becomes so hard.
At work and at school you find it hard to stand up for your true love. Jesus IS your true love, that is, if you claim you are a christian. That IS what christianity is all about right? Cuz if it isnt about the relationship we have with Jesus, then something is terribly wrong.
The thing is, it IS about the relationship. It is ALL about the relationship. Christianity shouldnt be about rules and whatnot. It shouldnt be about how you are at school and work and think to yourself "oh crap, i just broke one of the rules of my church. I hope no one notices."
Wow...i sure do get off on tangents. Anywho. I think true christianity is what your life looks like outside of church. How you apply what you learn at church into your every day life.
I dont know if ive ever wrote about this kid i know at school. Once in a while he wears a black shirt with bold white lettering saying " GOT JESUS? " This kinda makes me suspicious. Here is this kid who is advertising that he is somehow connected with Christ. Since Jesus and religion and church is such a big deal and is great bait for criticism, it really catches the eye. So I watch him. I keep my eye on him. How does he act around certain people? He obviously thinks people should have Jesus in their life, or else why would he wear such a bold shirt?
To my great disappointment, this individual does exactly what so many christians do. I too fall guilty to it. You advertise you are a christian and you think that that is ok and settles it all. "Oh, people will see that I'm a christian by wearing this shirt/having this button on my jacket or backpack/wearing this fish or cross neclace. What else is expected of me?"
But when you profess you are a christian, the eyes are watching for you to make a move that contradicts what christianity teaches. People love pointing fingers. They love critisizing and they love to just have that extra reason why they DON'T wanna be a christian.
Why? Why is it so hard to act christian when you arent at church?
At my church we have a sunday night bible study called "Aftershock". This is for the youth. For this series of sundays we are doing a study on the book of Revelation. Scary stuff. This book is intense. So im doing my study and I see that John writes some letters, that...is Jesus talking, but John is writing them..eh...
Anywho...He writes to the church of Ephesus.
[ To the church in Ephesus
1"To the angel[a] of the church in Ephesus write: These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: 2I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. 5Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. 6But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. 7He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God. ]
Ok. So if you were one of those people that just skimmed right through that. Or maybe you read it but didnt quite understand, I will recap. Here Jesus is proud of the church of Ephesus for their hard work and for persevering and finding out the false apostles. But then Jesus finds something that he is not so proud of. He sees that the church has lost their first love. What could Jesus be talking about here?
He was talking about himself of course. He was talking about how the church of Ephesus' passion and fevor for Christ had become cold, and a bunch of rituals. "Their doctrinal and moral purity, their undiminished zeal for the truth, and their disciplined service were no substitute for the love for Christ they had forsaken" (i got that from the revelation study book by John MacArthur).
Jesus said that if they dont change their ways, He was going to take away their lampstand. The lampstand represents their church. If they didnt get their sights on the very person they were preforming these rituals for, then He would destroy their church. A church without God in the center of it will sooner or later come to fall.
After thinking about this, I began thinking. (holy moses. that was the most profound statement i have ever made). Christ dwells in the church. It is his home. Christ also dwells in my heart, it is his home. I am sorta like a church, i guess u could say, just without a bunch of pews and hymn books (haha. my church doesnt even have pews and hymn books! just thought u'd want to know *cough*). Essensialy (spelling?!?!) I have my own lampstand that God has given me.
Ok...some of you might not agree, or think im totally wack, but this is just what ive sorta been thinking about. It's kinda hard to say it though. Ok...Like...When i profess I am a christian. God expects me to show fruits of my claim. It's like...God gave me this lampstand when I first said "im a christian" and now he is gonna see if im going to show fruits. (of course God already knows this...but...gee golly...hold on) If i dont show with my life that i am a christian, maybe it means im not saved and therefore I will be destroyed when I die. (hell). And that is when Jesus takes away my lampstand.
GOSH i hope this is making sense. God is giving me all my life to prove that I deserve this lampstand. That I can carry it. See...I cant carry it UNLESS i have Jesus to help me. Im thinking this is a pretty big lampstand. I can keep it if Jesus helps me. But I cant do it on my own. So if i wont let Jesus help me, God will take it away.
(does that help fix contorted faces and confused minds?)
well...thats sorta how I applied it to my own life. Are you allowing Christ to help hold your lampstand up? It may start to fall at times, that is because you start doing things on your own, instead of letting Christ in on them. The thing is...if we truely have Christ in our hearts....there is no way in Hades he will let that lampstand touch the ground. He will let you go only so far in your suffering before he straightens it back up again.
For the people who wont let Christ in to keep that lampstand from touching the ground...they are in for trouble. Christ cant help unless you let him. You dont have forever to make that commitment. If you dont have Christ, your lampstand is its way down to the ground. For some, its falling faster then for others. Only God knows how fast your lampstand is falling. Why take that risk?
For those of you who have let Jesus into your heart already. Let Jesus hold your lampstand up. He is fully capable and willing to do that for you. Quit trying to hold the weight on your own. Its heavy and its gonna cause you alot of pain.
If you are a reader who hasnt let Jesus into your heart, i ask that you will once and for all guarantee yourself that your Lampstand will never touch the ground. That sucker is a big lampstand and you can only hold it for so long. Christ is a buff guy, he can hold it, he has been conditioned to hold it for you, he would absolutly LOVE to hold it for you! I will pray that you will only let him.
To end...I will tell you of some things that Jesus promises those who "overcomes". Basically those who accept Him as their Lord and Savior.
Revelation 2:7 "
...To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God."
~You will live an eternal live in heaven with God
Revelation 2:11 "
....He who overcomes shall not be hurt by the second death."
~Second death means spiritual death. He who overcomes (who is saved) wont ever die a second time, physical death is all, then its eternal life with Jesus.
Revelation 2:17 "
To him who overcomes I will give some of the hidden manna to eat. And I will give him a white stone, and on the stone a new name written which no one knows except him who receives it."
~John MacArther writes in his study book "Hidden Manna-Just as Israel received manna, God promises to give the true believer the spiritual bread the unbelieving world cannot see: Jesus Christ; White Stone-When an athlete won in the games, he was often given, as part of his prize, a white stone which was an admission pass to the winner's celebration afterwards. This may picture the moment when the overcomer will receive his ticket to the eternal victory celebration in heaven; New Name-A personal message from Christ to the ones He loves, whcih serves as ther admission pass into eternal glory. It is so personal that only the person who receives it will know what it is."
Revelation 2:26-29 "
To him who overcomes and does my will to the end, I will give authority over the nations– ‘He will rule them with an iron scepter; he will dash them to pieces like pottery’– just as I have received authority from my Father. I will also give him the morning star. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."
~John MacArther writes "Rule them with a rod of iron-literally 'shepherd them with an iron rod'; during the millenial kingdom, Christ will enforce His will and protect His sheep with His iron scepter from any who would seek to harm them; The Morning Star-John later reveals Christ to be 'the morning star.' Although the morning star has already dawned in our hearts, someday we will have Him in His fullness."
I just thought that that stuff would be interesting to know. Revelation is an awesome book of the bible and i suggest that anyone who wants to know more about it get the John MacArther study book on Revelation.
Thus ends my post for tonight. Swing on and be merry and feel free to leave comments.
The Krazy Kristy Kritter
dive in for a swim in my thoughts
It has been a while since ive shared my thoughts here. There has been alot going on. I have a couple friends who i love very much who are hurting. I dont think it would be right to go into details here, even though most of you who read this dont know of one of these people. Id like to hold respect to him. Such an awesome guy. If only you guys knew him.
Ive had my struggles during this time since my last post. About my fear, a friend has helped me out a whole lot and im glad for what he has to say. He said that it's self doubt and ive been thinking about that. And im just doing better. Its hard to explain. I can hardly remember what he said, but, i know that it has helped me, because lately i havent had any problems. Like today. none at all.
I guess I can just make this a blog that makes up for the lack of blogs, just posting about everything, serious to the not so serious. Make you cry, make you laugh, make you think im dumb, make you gape in awe at my wonderful intelect *cough* i dont know if i even spelled intelect right. *sigh*. well...
Last friday in my guitar class we learned how to tune our guitars. This day was not a fun day. None of us in the class had broken a string up until friday. It was a bummer. So. 5 of us broke strings, and thats like half the class..haha...and i was one! Go figure. But, the grand thing is, i broke a string i wasnt even tuning at the time...WHY? because i was twisting the wrong peg...such is my life.
Erm....
Me and my girlfriends (as a sidethought, my friend scott was talking to me, and he said that its so weird when girls call their friends their girl friends, and it sounds like REALLY bad when a guy refers to his friends as his boy friends, but not so odd with girls...i dunno...just a thought) went out to lunch on sunday at Fazolis and talked there for 3 hours. I love those intimate girl talks. Talk about everything and anything and the deep things the not so deep things...and of course we talked about boys.
When we talk about boys, its not like how we are obsessing over certain guys. Its more like what we look for in a husband. Its what we want to experience someday, what we want our husbands to do for us. What we can do for our husbands. What we think would be absolutly adorable. Like if the guy were to take dance lessons with us. Wow. We talked about how important it is to still have accountability with others outside the married couple. Like the girl still has her girlfriends and the guy still has his guy friends and they are able to have time away from each other and just spend it with their own friends...that type of thing.
We (im speaking of me and my 2 other close girl friends) desire so much of the same things in a guy and its just cool to just talk about it. And when we are able to talk about sex in a mature manner. Thats cool. My friend emily told me that we as humans are designed as sexual beings, so its natural for us to think of our wedding night, its when we dwell on that too much that problems begin.
We talked about college and we talked about our problems.
Mmmm...
Some really ironic things have been happening lately...like...my forgiveness...I dont get it. God has put me though alot, yet im so easy to forgive. I see this as an awesome blessing. I've grown so much in God over the past year and my outlook on things have changed a whole lot. Back last summer i went to this youth group called Freedom and the pastor there talked about forgiveness and how forgiveness brings freedom. Bitterness is one of the slaverys of sin. It's very easy to become bitter, and ive worked on forgiveness.
im worried sometimes if people will abuse my forgiveness...i hope they wont.
its like...i used like this guy a whole lot, years and years ago. He knew this and i thought he liked me too. the whole speal...but he would tell me things, and i would forgive him for what he would do...but he really didnt care about how i felt about anything, i dont think, and after a while of forgiving and forgiving, i started noticing pain. so i distanced myself. Now we are ok friends. Don't talk much.
such is my crazy life before i met Jesus.
hmmm
ive got alot on my mind lately. I cant talk about them here because people trust me. but...God has a hand in all of it. im excited/anxious/kinda worried what God is gonna do with it all. Welp. Im outta here for now. Swing on and be merry...
Skittles- Taste the Rainbow
tHe KrAzy KrIsTy KrItTeR.
biggest fear
Guys, please pray for me, my biggest fear is coming back and hitting me again...
Im scared of death and heaven and eternity. I get an anxiety attack if i dwell on it, and lately, ive been having a few anxiety attacks...
it goes something like this...
ill be doing something...and ill think that when I die, i will go to heaven...then i think...that is forever..and ever...and im starting to get an attack right now..it hasnt hit hard yet...but im gonna get one if i want to continue this post and tell you guys about it...
anywho...ill start saying "no god no no no..stop...no NO..." and ill flap my hands sorta and look around frantically...
if im in a group and you guys start talking about going to heaven...i might just up and leave the convo. Guys...i used to have this fear really bad. Like...id be lying in bed in the still dark silence...and id begin to think of it and then id whimper into my pillow untill i feel asleep.
I talked to my old youth pastor Shawn F. about it and he prayed for me....the fear subsided for a while...it came back, not so strong, left...and now its back and i hate thinking about going to heaven...its a serious fear for me...like a phobia...i cant think about eternity much or ill flip...
is this odd?
i think its a lack of faith in God and Jesus that he will be able to make me happy when i die...
but...
for all eternity....
im sorry...i gotta go now...i cant take this...
Krispy kream kritter
Valentine's Day
Today is Valentine's Day.
This is how my day went.
During the night sometime, the power went out. In so happening, my clock messed up. So i woke up this morning (with my mom opening my door and saying "you are still asleep? i think you should get up). I was about 30 min late to my first hour. Then during second hour i started feeling not so good. So when i went home for lunch, i called my mom and told her. And so i stayed home the rest of the day. I think this was a God thing.
Every year at valentines day. I get depressed at school because all these girls get notes saying they have items in the office. Flowers. Candy. Stuff like that. I try not to be jealous. But a part of me just wishes for a relationship. Ive changed alot since last year. And so Im not sure what my thoughts would be. I once got a rose on valentines day. actually it was just spirit week and the theme was holidays, and one of them was valentines day. And this rose was annonoymous (sp?). It made me feel nice to think that someone thought about me, but wanted to remain annonoymous. Just was cool. I'm hoping that if i got something today, that it was that type of thing, where the person remains a mystery. Welp. Those are my thoughts.
This is a little something i found regarding this holiday. the "true" story
Writer's Block - Jennifer Kivioja
What is the real story behind Valentine’s Day?
I have often wondered why one day a year is designated for love and why people rush out to buy candy, jewelry, flowers and cards just because it’s Valentine’s Day.
There has to be a reason behind this silly holiday, besides the retailers making a buck off ridiculous memorabilia and heart-shaped jewelry that we have all bought or received, and now have it stored in drawers.
I was curious as to the origination of the day and the true meaning behind Valentines. And, what I found was that it truly is a day for love that dates back to the Roman Empire in the year 270 (or somewhere around that time).
Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II there were many bloody and unpopular campaigns, and he was known to the Romans as “Claudius the Cruel.”
Claudius was having a really hard time getting Roman men to join his military (because some of the men were in love and most didn’t want to leave their families) so the jerk, canceled all marriages and engagements.
Saint Valentine, who was a priest, strongly believed in love and secretly performed marriages for couples.
He was caught performing a marriage and was sent to prison. While in prison he befriended a guard’s daughter. On the day he died he gave his new friend a note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty. He signed it, “Love from your Valentine.”
At that time Feb. 14 was the holiday to honor Juno, goddess of women and marriage. St. Valentine was beaten to death, beheaded and suffered martyrdom Feb. 14, around the year 270.
It was the custom in Rome, a very ancient custom, to celebrate Lupercalia, which began Feb. 15. As part of the tradition the names of young women were placed in a box, from which they were drawn by the men.
The pastors of the early Christian church in Rome wanted to do away with the tradition. Since, Lupercalia was celebrated in the middle of February, the pastors chose Saint Valentine’s Day for the celebration of this new feast and chose Feb. 14 to celebrate.
And, that is how Valentine’s Day was started. By looking at the meaning behind the holiday it gives us a better understanding of the day.
I think that in more recent times the story and meaning have been lost. The meaning has been replaced with a commercial holiday full of cards and red and pink memorabilia, teddy bears and heart-shaped trinkets.
Today, think of the true meaning of love and marriage and the true sacrifice that Saint Valentine made in honoring love and marriage.
On this day, show your appreciation to the people around you and let your your family and friends know how much they mean to you; not just today but everyday.
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